| What ethical philosophy do i have? apparently a quiz can tell me. |
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| 11:49pm 06/04/2003 |
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http://selectsmart.com/PHILOSOPHY
Your Results: (and they aint suprisin')
1. Jean-Paul Sartre (100%)
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2. Kant (92%)
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3. Nietzsche (72%)
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4. Spinoza (72%)
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5. Aquinas (70%)
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6. Aristotle (70%)
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7. Ockham (66%)
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8. Jeremy Bentham (64%)
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9. Stoics (63%)
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10. John Stuart Mill (61%)
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11. Ayn Rand (59%)
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12. St. Augustine (55%)
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13. Epicureans (52%)
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14. David Hume (51%)
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15. Prescriptivism (41%)
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16. Nel Noddings (25%)
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17. Cynics (25%)
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18. Plato (19%)
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19. Thomas Hobbes (19%)
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(2 half heard whispers | isnt it time you used your voice?) |
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| figures |
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| 03:21am 04/04/2003 |
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Green - You believe that small economic units
should control the goods, and that the
government should be permissive of
"victimless crimes," respectful of
civil liberties and very strict towards big
business. You also believe in either a
socialist tax structure or more power to local
communities. You think that environmental
policies should be written into law. Your
historical role model is Ralf Nader.
Which political stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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(isnt it time you used your voice?) |
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| 02:49pm 12/08/2002 |
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so much for a life affirming drive south. Looks like i'll fly.
just wonder what i'm going for anyway... or what i'll be coming back to. |
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(isnt it time you used your voice?) |
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| All In The Family- Archie Bunker- and the sort of man I think I would like to marry... |
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| 04:06am 23/06/2002 |
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I've always percieved all in the family as before my time. and it was. but every reference to it i hear is about how mysogynistic mr bunker is.. how anachronistic and vile and decidedly not pc the show is...
so of course i watch it on nick at night like its bathtub gin during prohibition.
Episode tonight moved me in a way. Archie is crass and Edith is inarguably a total moron... but they are in love in this way i have longed to be since i realized the inevitability of mating.
Some of her relatives come to town... arch hates em... well theyre all rich and haughty (i was manking peanut butter and jelly sammiches during the march up story arch hill so the details are fuzzy...) Big point- Archie and this cousin of his wifes husband (the rich guy) go to the local pub for drinks. I assume this is archie bunkers equivalent to muldunes or union jack or hell jeckels too.(as time of day varies our habits)And this guy starts buying some just legal pretty blond girl drinks... archie gives him a talk about it... essentially that he is not stuck with edith... and that there is nothing wrong with loving a woman after she is past beauty pagent days because she is essentially ENOUGH- and more than that his wife. Meanwhile... the chick (his wife) is all telling edith that she thinks that he's going to divorce her is on crash diets and having plastic surgery but they dont do it anymore. edith actually blushes when asked about her sex life with archie. (very subtle but still crasser than i expected for the time. by todays standards it was a cosby jello commercial conversation) She starts out saying they just go to bed. desperate and mistreated chick demands to know what they DO what edith is doig to you know *winks* keep the marriage happy... edith say sthe cutest thing i've ever heard on television "nothing we havent been doing since the priest told us we could" then she all giggles...
So now that i've rambled out a bit of backstory...
the end of the episode archie comes home... the disgruntled couple leaves WITH NO CLOSURE! I really enjoyed that the focus was on edith and archies marriage even though the majority of the episode dealt with this failing marriage of associates. archie says NOTHING of the mans infidelity or incident at the bar- the says they talked about manstuff like sports.... she says they talked about womanstuff like holidays. he yells at her about seeing those idiots more than once a year and she says no- that no new visits are planned....
then they sit in silence in separate chairs. obvously considering the comparison between the ick marriage and their own... he holds her hand. they look at each other and the episode ends with him petting her fingers.
I've always wanted that simple sort of affection. the stability of a simple hand on mine. Silences that hold volumes... a sort of understanding where words arent nescessery and doubt isnt an option....
So I dont know where these people are coming from saying that archie bunker is a mysogynist... he's faithful... and loving- even if hes not kind.
I can think of lots of modern men who dont come close to that sort of loyal and supportive way of having a relationship with a woman.
And for clarity- I'm not saying that i wanna marry archie bunker... but i do think hes a good man... and that they are uncommon... and that one itty bitty bit of genuine sentiment is worth all the pretense in the world. |
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(2 half heard whispers | isnt it time you used your voice?) |
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| house hunting is hell... |
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| 10:39pm 08/05/2002 |
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mood:  drained music: gabe purring muted voices from the dank hell living room below
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Impossible to find the right layout floorplan what have you... location affordability... two kittens... notice to give... security to find the cash for... all i can think of is stupid shit window treatments... lamps... crap just fucking crap and how i don't want to have to move. i have location... affordability... space right now. i don't have peace of mind... or peace. i only seem to like it here after i clean for two hours (15 minutes of my crap) and 1.75 hours of weird sludge... after a while it seems personal. it comes to this point where its been too much for too long. its not even worth mentioning. just go. start over. hopefully live with responsible adults next time. trying not to make it all personal, but it certainly /seems/ personal. and honestly i cant keep making sure the drains all work that the house gets vacuumed mopped dusted dishes done toilets clean kill the fruit flies pick up things cats cant eat take out trash pick up recycling dishes clean out fridge put away other peoples goddamn groceries make it so you can fucking walk through any part of the house mop and so on every fucking three times a week because (and i really don't know how) the house gets trashed that much. i deserve (i think) to have enough time to have time for myself. people years my senior should know enough to use their own towel and not clog drains through idiocy.
but whatever, old news. six months of alternating between crying about it and just taking care of it all in defeat will be over soon. i'm willing to pay the severance to leave sooner. i'm worth no more than a cleaning lady here. i mean no more because if my feelings or well being were even a little an issue shit would have changed. i don't think i lost friends i think i just didn't have them and this blatant disregard merely evidenced that.
maybe i'm wrong.
just don't have time to lollygag with understanding. not til any modicum of consideration is shown me.
well off to pick up more shit that i cleaned 12 hours ago... so i wont have to do it in the morning. |
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(1 half heard whisper | isnt it time you used your voice?) |
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| 01:08am 05/05/2002 |
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I really wish that if people didn't want to be somewhere that they would just not be there rather than be there and try their damndest to make it a miserable experience for all.
and you try to be someones friend. make their day better because despite your best efforts you still care. go out of your way even for a person who hasn't in so long done anything but go out of their way to ruin your day...
only love one person in your whole life.
metal roses.
colorful things get said sometimes I suppose.
but there aren't many sentiments there. not honest ones.
because honest sentiments get you no where.
I want to leave. to transfer somewhere delightfully far far away. and forget me.
not because I'm sad, but because I'm proud.
not because I'm running away, but because I'm getting rid of things that are broken- not even worth the thrift donation really
or maybe because if I'm further then it wont be so lonely to miss people. far ness seems to make it much less pathetic. |
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(2 half heard whispers | isnt it time you used your voice?) |
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| Waiting... possibly wishing... but not very enthused about hoping. |
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| 06:06pm 26/04/2002 |
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mood:  discontent
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It is starting to seem to me that my life is a flood. There is a constant barrage of social obligations. I think I am getting worn at the edges from overuse or something. It happens to my favorite jeans if they are called upon to perform such functions too often. I am being called upon to interact with the world far too much lately. And its not anger. Its not even that I dont enjoy or want to see the people who are or try to surround me. I just feel so horribly out of place. or touch perhaps. I watch my friends, or those i consider to be, play. and laugh. and have these incredible laughing conversations. but i dont feel as though i ought to be there at all. As though i am not really part of the scene. I mean what do i realy have in common with anyone anymore? I dont watch the same movies. I dont read the same books. And day after day it seems the things i care about are so far from the things that the people i care about devote their energies to. I try to write it out. I was this disconnected this lonely for years and i wrote myself stories to assuage the burning of my socialite life. I drank then too without a care.
I cant love my characters. I cant care what happens in fiction or life because it is all colored with habit and duty. silly forces i've never been fond of being swayed by. Are these the archetypes i've so much loved? I mean when mythos takes shapes in our lives is it really just these drab repetitions of memory, meaning fading each time like carbon copies down the pad? Stories take shapes and life there are myths... these things i believe and why do i believe them? what proof have i had of the proud march of heoroes through grocery lines other than my own clouded sentimental inclinations.
Bohemian. I'm no bohemian. I seek truth. But i know that what i find wont be beautiful or mysterious. i dont cloud myself about that- any truth there is is usually prickly and uncomfortable... and dull in its practicality or naturalness. Freedom? I am not free. In fact i dont think i'd even know how. I worry incessantly about right and wrong and hopes and who will i be tomorrow what sort of what does this make me where do i go what do i care about whats real or not and where are the distinctions i think i have to do things i am compelled by some sense of martyrdom or desire for acceptance. unconditional something a want for something more and sweet mother of god there is nothing free to come of this need this insatiable hunger for something meaninful. Love. Love just is its not tragic or romantic or epic or hard or sad... it just is. fancying it to be more is like writing songs about gravity or your spleen making all those neat excretions that break down your food.
I wanted to be so many things. Now i just want to relax. To really feel at home in anything in myself. i never regretted things and now i look at the wax and wane of my choices and the immensity of the things i am i never wanted to.... and its like i turned my head for a second and years happened to me?
So now theres just the lonely. I'm not alone i dont feel bad about myself or as though no one cares... just i crave some sense of belonging. like how you're supposed to feel when you're in a sappy movie and you come home from somewhere and your donna reed style mom hugs you and says welcome home. no not that sappy. that sappy always upset me.
i think i'll be a drunk forever. at least i think people want me to be? +++TEDDY BEAR ERROR+++ +++REDO FROM START+++ My anthills arent working.
I want to stay home tonight and play with my toys in my room drinking cocoa and wallowing in some happysappy emotion. Is that morally fucking wrong?
you need to go out be miserable consume want wait hope wish need things beyond your station and means or you're out of the running apparently stupid human weakness....
wondering all the time how to do things that are natural because i'm that terrified of failing.
or falling.
never liked heights. never liked depths. never liked risks in general. go figure....
and what do i do? i wait for me to do something more interesting. stupid.
and i wonder why the discontent.
i wonder how i got so far from whatever it was i was supposed to remember i loved to be.
i'm pretty sure this stopped making sense several pharagraphs ago.
i wish i had a best friend. i mean best friend like you had in grade school. you did things together at least once a day. every detail of your lives intimated... but happy. like soldiers? you know the greek ones that fought with their lover.... only without the sex. and the gay manness cause i'm a girl. and that would yeah.... *sigh* like someone you can always go to and laugh with. who defends you, and you defend without question. free to be and change and screw up. acceptitude. no right answers.
nope. not even making a little sense.
And i dont have this why?
i'm gonna go with no one really does once they grow up. cause they just mate and settle down and thats that.
or hey! maybe the worlds right and i'm a soul sucking bitch.
nah- i would definately not be upset about the distance among once comrades if i were a bitch. i'd just find new victims. unless my sims count i'm out of the running.
maybe i should spend more time with my sims. they like me. and they dont make me feel left out when they're trying to include me.
prolly just silly pms or stuff... or the impending doom of accept/sorry sucker news from the crapass college. |
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(isnt it time you used your voice?) |
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